A Small Habit That Changed the Way I Lead
The energy, mood, and effectiveness are surprisingly better when there is a friendly, hospitable atmosphere in a hospitality environment.
Anybody who has worked a single day in a restaurant or busy hotel knows the level of intensity leaders face daily. Especially front-line guest-facing managers. How often has it been that on your way to solving one issue, staff let you know about two other problems that need your attention?
That kind of environment does not promote a feeling of complacency. Urgency, focus, and results get rewarded. Juggling two or three “emergencies” can bring out a level of intensity that is not always congruent with a hospitable demeanor. Think of those old-school chefs on a busy Saturday night!
One day, a junior manager came to me. She was always very polite and well-spoken, and while not necessarily chatty, she always checked in before getting to the heart of the matter. She was aware of social niceties and exhibited them.
On this occasion, it was a true emergency. In this case, she hurriedly approached me and blurted out the situation. I gave her direction, and she promptly turned around to walk away to handle it, only to flip around again and quickly apologize to me! She thought she was rude and wanted to ensure I knew she knew it.
This floored me, and it got me thinking about how she acted all the time. She did this in her emails with junior staff and senior staff. She never sent one of those one-line emails… “I need an answer to that new product decision,” or spoke to a junior employee abruptly, “why are you late?” She always ensured she checked in on the person, especially when it was the first contact of the day.
For her, it was more like, “I hope you and your daughter had a good trip this weekend. The weather was perfect for camping. Could you get me an answer by noon today for that product decision? I am meeting the rep.” A late employee would be met with, “I am so glad you are okay! Normally you are not late, what happened?” She exhibited hospitality to everyone all the time.
So…what if leadership wasn’t just about intensity but about hospitality?
In our fast-paced world of hospitality, urgency, efficiency, and directness become second nature. There’s always a problem to solve, a guest to satisfy, or a crisis to manage. Time is limited, and the pressure to perform is relentless.
As leaders, we default to cutting straight to the point—“What’s the status?” “Did this get done?” “I need this now.” It feels necessary, even vital, to keep the operation running smoothly.
But in this relentless drive for results, something gets lost: the human connection. For the people who make the business work, we can start feeling like mere cogs in the machine rather than valued individuals.
When communication is always transactional, engagement suffers, and an opportunity to build loyalty, trust, and a stronger team culture slips away.
The upshot of this observation for me was that I started emulating my junior manager. I also made sure I was “checking the weather” (to use the great restauranteur Danny Meyer's phrase) of a person before blasting them with my “requests.”
I made it a game. I told people what I was doing; I would even correct myself in front of them. Others picked up on it. You would be surprised how many people relish this and then copy the behavior.
The energy, mood, and effectiveness are surprisingly better when there is a friendly, hospitable atmosphere in a hospitality environment.
And yes, intensity was and is still part of me. It is still needed. I never had someone stressed out who was coming to me for an answer, sit down and having an espresso with me, and tell me their vacation plans in the middle of a rush. The key is knowing when to switch gears by being direct when needed but leading with warmth as the default.
So for those of you in the biz, remember we are in the business of making people feel welcomed. So start with your staff. See how it works.
Because leadership isn’t just about managing operations. Leadership is about working through others. It’s about creating an environment where people want to give their best… to do what you want them to do.
And remember that manager? Guess what? Guests, staff, and corporate loved her! She went on to become GM of another restaurant… then moved up again, and the last I spoke to her, she was the VP of Ops for a large chain steakhouse.